By Sally Robinson
The American Academy of Pediatrics in their healthychildren.org website discuss how important play is for children. Playing with others is important to a child’s development. Life skills are learned when children play that can help them to make and keep friends. As a parent you can encourage your child to take part in healthy playtime by taking your child to a park to play with other children or by joining an organized play group. Aggressive behavior between children is normal, but as a parent and supervisor there are a number of steps you can take to keep aggressive behavior to a minimum.
Playing with others is Important Child’s Work
• Support play by making your home a good place to play.
• Teach the skills needed to play well with others.
1. Learning to play well with others is not a one-time lesson. It takes time and practice.
2. Important life skills are learned when children play. These skills will help them make and keep friends.
When young children play with children close to their own age, they learn:
• How to cooperate
• When to lead and when to follow
• How to solve problems
Create Play Opportunities
Invite other children to your home or to play in the neighborhood park.
• The first visit needs to be short (about 1 hour) and is best with only one other child.
• Plan to end before everyone gets too tired.
• Know how to contact the other child’s parent.
Go to another child’s home.
• For the first visit, you may want to stay until you know your child is comfortable being there without you.
• Get to know the other child’s parents. You might be able to help each other out!
Join an organized play group.
When playing without parents, children do best with a small number of children.
Find out with whom your child likes to play.
For children in child care, preschool, and play groups, invite a friend to your house or to the park.
Make Your Home a Great Place to Play
• Plan ahead. Avoid things like superhero dress-up clothes and toy guns that encourage aggressive play.
• Find out what your visitor enjoys. Ask your child what activities the friend enjoys. Playtime will be more fun, and this teaches your child to be thoughtful.
• Have enough items for everyone. If there aren’t enough, suggest another activity.
• Your child’s “favorite thing” does not need to be shared. Let your child put away a few things that are off limits.
• Make your home a safe place. Poisons need to be locked away. Homes without guns are the safest. But if there are guns, they need to be stored locked and unloaded; bullets need to be stored in another locked place.
• Do not over plan. Just set the stage with materials and ideas. Let the children use their creativity and imaginations!
Help the children with some activities, like cutting out shapes for arts and crafts, and keep an eye on them at all times. For the most part, it is better if you only get involved when they need your help. Give them a chance to resolve differences on their own.
Teach Your Child to Be A Good Playmate
Before, during, and after your child plays with other children, talk about how to get along with others.
Set a few simple and very specific rules.
• “People are not for hitting.”
• “We do not grab toys from other children.”
Help your child express likes, dislikes, and desires with words. Review what to say.
• “I like to paint on the easel.”
• “I do not like to ...”
• “I want to be a firefighter.”
Show your child how to solve problems. Explain why something is not possible and offer other choices.
• “Tell Julie you don’t like to be pushed on the swing. Maybe you would both like to ride on the seesaw instead.”
Notice and praise the children for things that went well.
• “I really liked the way you remembered to take turns with the watering can.”
• “It was great to hear you using your polite words.”
Remember that play is helping develop life skills that will benefit your child for a lifetime. Playing is a very important part of the work of being a child.
Sally Robinson is a clinical professor of pediatrics at UTMB Children’s Hospital. This column isn’t intended to replace the advice of your child’s physician.